unique-challenge-of-parenting-teensI think parents today have a unique challenge. It’s called technology.

Because of the day we live in, with things changing so rapidly, we don’t have the luxury of mimicking good parenting from ten years ago. Why not? Because ten years ago, none of the apps on our kids’ phones even existed.

Whenever parents from a generation ahead are willing to give input, I try to pull up a chair and listen. But technology is creating problems that these parents have never considered.

  • Parents who have raised successful adults might tell us that they never let their teens take the phone to their bedroom. “But what about using their iTunes in their bedroom?” we wonder.
  • They might give guidelines for how they helped their teens choose friends. “But what about Facebook and Snapchat friends?” we wonder.
  • They might give guidance for handling a bully. “But what about a cyber bully?” we wonder.

Because technology is changing so rapidly, and because of all of the new issues technology now raises for parents, I think it’s essential to gather advice from parents who are just a couple of steps ahead. For me, this is my friend, Jill*.

I think Jill and her husband are outstanding parents. Their kids are about five years ahead of ours. They have one child who graduated from college, two in college, and one in middle school. Because Jill is someone I admire and respect, I heavily rely on her parenting advice. Here are some of the things she’s given me input on recently:

  • Phones: Jill says that if she had it to do over again, she wouldn’t give her kids a phone before age 16 (when they start driving). Yes, phones are convenient. But she says there’s hardly ever a time that her kids can’t find a way to get a message to her. And for those kids who naturally withdraw from social situations, or pull away from their parents, a phone exacerbates the problem. The child’s need, in the teen years, to get input from parents is far greater than the need to connect with friends. But a phone creates the reverse affect.
  • Social Media: Jill’s kids cannot use social media until they are 13–the age Facebook says it’s ok. They just aren’t ready before this, she says. She tells her kids that she can and will spy on them, so they should be ready for that accountability.
  • iTunes: None of Jill’s kids know the password to their family iTunes account. This way, she’s the gateway to downloads–even free ones. If one of the kids get an iTunes gift card, rather than setting up a separate account, they keep track of that child’s purchases on a sticky note.
  • Movies: Their family does not see rated R-rated movies. For PG13-rated movies, they evaluate the premise. Is the story about people having an affair? Does it make you cheer for the guy who is stealing? Then, it’s not worth seeing.
  • Video Games: Jill’s kids only play games on their Xbox. This way, they don’t associate the computer with games, which distracts from homework. They are only allowed to play games on the weekend. And, they set all of their games to the family setting.
  • Computers: Jill understands that the computer is essential for her kids to complete homework. But the family computer is kept in a central place in their home (kids don’t have computers in their bedrooms). The password to log on is only known by the parents. This way, the kids can only be on the computer when the parents are home–and could walk by at any moment.
  • Skin: Jill wants to do whatever she can to protect the men of her household from temptation. For this reason, they don’t watch reality shows that show a lot of skin. She’s willing to sacrifice whatever is necessary to support purity in her home.

Your turn. What great advice have you gotten regarding technology or raising teens in 2016? Or, do you have some advice of your own to share? We’re all ears! Post your ideas on our Facebook page.

*Jill is too modest to let me use her real name. (Or maybe she doesn’t want people swarming her door for advice?!)